Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Hell it's been just too long since I wrote anything here! This blog is supposed to be my learning blo(g)ck. I'll keep it simple. There have been a lot of things I learnt in the last month and half, that is since the time I turned 24. There's stuff. About parents, work, friends and of course myself. Pointers should be fine?

 

1. 1. Perseverance is the ONLY key to a lasting relationship. There will be times when you have to not only let go of your ego, but also your self-respect. You have to stop standing up for yourself and in fact may be stoop low. OK this low here is subjective. Experience (other people's) tells me when you are really in love, that 'stooping low' does not feel like you are actually stooping low. And when your friends are telling you that you've been a complete loser whereas you do not think so, then you know you are in love. The real love.

 

Ok, I am saying all this as if I learnt it myself! Haha! But I know what it takes. Thanks to all my friends now settling down steady.

 

2. 2. The thanking of friends brings me to point 2. Every one goes. No one stays. And that's to be accepted both soon enough and with sufficient grace to not look and feel like a loner loser. Friends are there for you, no doubt - but only for special occasions - happy and sad. Forget calling up your friends randomly at 2 and saying let's go the railway station and have chai. No one appreciates it.

 

3. 3. Parents grow old - again, accept it. Sooner the better. And also make sure you never let them realize they are growing old. Do not over protect. Let them be by themselves as if they are still 38. But keep a bloody close watch. They need love and need to know their kids won't 'move on.' They are indeed old when you are 24 with an older sibling.

 

4. 4. If you and your childhood sweetheart still adore each other, then bloody hell go ahead and be together. Don't wait to find the right someone and don't keep this sweetheart as a back up option. You know why? One of you will never take any relationship/affair seriously thinking there is that ultimate backup. Only to realize the ultimate backup does not need you. And you will regret missing the train.

 

5. 5. Don't over counsel your friends. You don't know what will they conclude. Don't worry they don’t hate you if you do. Nothing changes. But still, don't over counsel. You might end up looking like an idiot.

 

6. 6. Procrastination is the easiest thing in the world. It is sad that something I never knew before, is all I know now - and that's procrastination. Oh btw, you should go on a vacation at the slightest chance you get. You never know when life will cripple you into permanency.

 

7. 7. 'Business manager' is a word that I understand better than the word 'bed.' Courtesy my boss. You can be a business man by sheer ideas, BUT you can run a business only if you are a business manager. And yes, business management is a tact that can be polished and put into perspective in a B-school, but cannot be taught. You either have it or you don't. Period. But yes, if making graphs and drawing inferences is all your definition of running a business, then … then only God can help you. Or maybe your auditor.

 

8. 8. There is a whole bunch of things about ethics, governance, leadership, ideation, implementation, analysis etc that I have learnt. But I am sure no one wants to read a management book here. So we'll chuck it.

 

In a nutshell, my friends have moved on damn rapidly (and I think I am stranded but as I said in pt. 2, I am maintaining my decorum) my parents are starting to grow old (and are in denial - which suits me, in a way) and I worked with a screwed up business manager. 

In an hour and half, will be the same ol' routine. I will fake being asleep. They'll come to my room with a cake and a candle. I will pretend looking sleepy and excited at the same time. Then, I'll pose for the camera and get sick photographs clicked. 

I will get a few calls - sister, a friend or 2 - some expected and some not. I will also NOT get a few very expected calls. I will then go to sleep wishing if only I din't have to wake up early to go to the temple, I could have done a late night movie. Sigh!

Nothing changes on this day - except that the entire routine changes, phone buzzes a little more than it otherwise does and people force you to believe that you are little more grown up - whether you like it or not - and so you gotta fix your life. (Though none of them have done it yet for themselves!)

And to make it worse, first time in 6 years, there is no alcohol on this day. 

Sigh...yet another birthday. 

Ten things I will do in my 24th year.

There are 2 things here - I will turn 24 in a few days and so I thought I will come up with 10 things I want to do this year. There might be things here which seem too personal to appear in a blog, but I want to take accepting myself to the next level - accepting and being comfortable about it. So, I will shed the mask while I write on my blog and will talk about myself and my realities more openly.

 

1. Read a lot more  - The last 6 months of 2008 were quite bad in terms of reading. I did not read as many books as I had aimed to or usually did in the same span of time earlier. I read a lot even now, but I read a lot of stuff online - blogs, articles etc. I value learning in all forms and am not discriminating hard copies to soft copies but I am still an ardent fan of physical books. I want to get back to that.

 

2. Apportion my time wisely between online and offline activities - I am somehow becoming a wire-addict in an unhealthy way - facebooking and reading random blogs. I need to stay online for Point no. 10 but I need to apportion time well so that my point no. 5 and no. 8 do not get a beating. This will mean a lot of time management. Scared already!

 

3. I will not get hooked to people in a frenzy. I have accepted that I get attached very easily and illogically. Letting go does not come easy to me and so this year I won't let such a situation arise where I have to let go painfully.  No trial and error this time on. For me, the 'Sex and the city' life is best appreciated on TV and is not to be practiced. I SUCK at being so carefree.

 

4. I will crave lesser to be at a different place - When I was home, I wanted to be in Pune, when I was in Pune, I wanted to be in Hyd, when I was in Hyd, I wanted to be home and now that I am home, I want to be in Pune or Hyd! It is so weird - I ALWAYS want to be somewhere else! Yes, I am quite a nomad but this is just too much fluctuation. When I had a social circle I wanted to run away from civilization and now that I don't have any, I want to party every night! I will now be happy and content to be where I am and will tell this to myself more often.

 

5. MBA - I will honestly prepare for the GMAT. Not half heartedly and not for the world. But whole heartedly and for myself. It might take 6 months instead of 3, but it will happen this time.

 

6. Open a Recurring Deposit account - Even if it is for 2k bucks - I'll open one.

 

7. I badly want to get skinny! Yeah, I have never been reed thin and I so wanna see how I look if I lose my cheeks and have a chiseled face! It is a very far fetched thing to want, considering I stay with family these days and they won't let me starve.  I don't think only exercise can do that. Can it? Also, my physique is such that skinny is probably only imagination!

 

8. Get better at running/jogging - I was never too bad with running on the treadmill or even on the footpath for that matter. But I was never too great either and I somehow always wanted to ace this one thing. I think I am gonna run more often this year and see that I run more number of minutes at a row than what I do right now.

 

9. Talk less - My need to talk and tell stuff is just so much. I need to keep telling my loved ones what's going on. I am also painfully elaborate. I am sure people lose track midway through my posts. I am gonna try talking lesser about stuff sporadically and will try to put my point across in as few words as possible.

Trust me, I have NO clue how I will ever do this!

 

10. Polish a few subjects - Geo-Politics and World Economy to start with. (Then move on to other stuff.) I hate being lost when I watch BBC or when I read certain authors. 

23 things about me

1. I love all seasons. I have told myself in every season - THIS is my favorite season. But in reality I like every season equally. I love winters, summers, rains, winds, stillness, grey skies, blue skies - everything.
2. In my bag you will ALWAYS find - Vaseline, iPod, comb (not hair-brush) and Hanuman Chalisa.
3. I dig bad guys. Ruffled hair, unshaven and careless fashion have the maximum appeal in my mind. Bigger the pyscho-head, the better. Somehow I feel lot of love for people who do not find me great :P But the biggest turn on is an ambitious mind. Nothing beats a guy who wants to go out and get the damn thing he likes/wants.
4. I always want to see endings and when I see something end, it upsets  me so much! Especially books and some of my relationships. (which start from nowhere and seem just too good to be true.)
5. I cannot live without my friends. Literally.
6. I smile a whole freaking lot. No matter how difficult times are, I do not fail to smile. I don't have to 'try.' I can't help it but smile most of the time. :) And I love myself for that.
7. I get attached to people very  easily. So easily that I go through hell to see them go, even if it's been only ten days of knowing them. Basically I love everyone. I can't think of one person I hate. It's strange.
8. I am super-balanced and super-eccentric both. That is what makes people hate me. A part of me wants to scrape paint off walls and live alone in Norway and a part of me wants to be a CEO and have a family in NYC. Most people cannot deal with it.
9. I HATE when people sulk too much or for too long. I feel so restless when I see people who cannot control their head and heart. The thumb rule of my life has been to always be in charge of my thoughts and emotions - I get irritated when I see people who are not at least 50% as in charge of their life as I am of mine.
10. I have lost some of my most important qualities - like organizing stuff and good execution of plans. I have become a procrastinator. I have lost focus. I aspire big but somehow I don't seem to be working to make those aspirations come true.
11. I want to be *exactly* like my mom when (if) I become a mother.
12. I need to talk a lot and I am damn elaborate. Actually I know my stuff so well when I talk, that I feel the need to bring that clarity on to the other person's thought. That way I end up giving long explanations!
13. I underplay stuff - I cannot show off, I will ignore if someone embarrasses himself, and I compliment only when I whole-heartedly feel it. I am a barren sea for people fishing for compliments and I am bad at giving ego massages.
14. I am very very straight forward - what's on my mind, is what's on my face. I cannot pretend. If I dislike something said or done, I will say it straight.
15. I have never fallen in love or said 'I love you' to anybody (romantically, of course!) though I have been in relationships.

(Assuming that love is the feeling which stops your thinking process and  you feel like you will die without him/her and that you want that person as a partner by hook or by crook. It makes you endure and persevere for that one person. If that is love, I have been far far away from it!

But if love is knowing that you can spend the rest of your life with this person but you can also live without them and that you will tell them they are important but will not stoop low to get them - then yes, I have been in love quite a few times!)

16.  I am a firm believer of -  "love yourself if you want to love others." I totally love myself and am so proud of what I am. I would not trade an inch of me to be something or someone else.
17. I accommodate people and can go out of my way to see things from their perspective.  I do not ever raid other people's space for my comfort. I do not cascade blame and in fact make it a point to see and rectify my contribution in any situation of pain/disharmony. I am not scared of taking responsibility.
18. I am damn scared of getting a head injury. That is why I am such a careful driver and I always wear a helmet while on a 2-wheeler. Somehow I fear losing my mental stability and stuff. Broken limbs and bruises, I think are cool. :)
19. I am a good listener - I fully absorb myself in a conversation and mean it when I give suggestions and/or express myself. You will never ever have me listen 'casually.'
20.  I know when things seem silly but in reality mean a lot to the other person. I am good at grasping moods, facial expressions and making people comfortable around me. I do not give jitters. :) And trust me, I know when people fake. I swear!
21. Ok this one sucks - I am choosy about the people who can counsel me. That is the 'limited rights only' section of my life. You might be someone close and capable of counseling but I might ignore what you say because of my mental block. There are different counselors for different sections of my life. Some people are only vents and not counselors. Ok this is complicated, I know.
22. Another weakness - I cannot remember fiction/stories. At all. I have read so many books and seen so many movies but surprisingly, I don't remember stories beyond a few days. But yes, I remember real-life stories quite well.
23. I have never asked a very important question to so many people. I would have had so much peace of mind if I had that one question answered and I would have probably been a better person if I had that question answered, since I would have learnt from my experience. I probably never asked because I was too scared of the truth or maybe I was not ready for blatant lies.

 

The question being - "Why?"

 

Please note that this post is just my perception of me. Your perception of me might be much different from what is written here. If it is, then please post a comment. The idea is to bridge the gap between who I really am and what I think I am.

 

 

Why this new blog?

I realized that I have learnt a lot at age 24 and there is a lot more that I have not.

There are good habits lost and bad habits retained.

There are friends made and friends lost.

There are things I want to do as I grow older, anxieties that I want to get rid of and habits that I want to inculcate or bring back.

 

I think having all this on the other blog will spoil the flow of randomness on it. So this is my attempt to put my life into words, and use it as a tool for introspection and as a check-list.

 

To start with, these are the things you will see in the next few days -

 

10 things I want to do in the 24th year of my life.

23 things I have learnt about myself in the last 23 years.

23 things I have learnt about the world in the last 23 years.